Lane Bryant can bite me

I haven’t worn dresses much in the last couple of years. I’ve done skirts a lot, because I’ve got some good legs and it’d be a shame to hide them all the time. But I had some badly fitting dresses, or the dresses that were on trend at the time just weren’t right for my body type. And it made me think I just couldn’t wear dresses.

Recently, I’ve warmed up to them again, partly because of the blog of a dress-obsessed plus-sized lady like myself. One thing I haven’t found yet – because shopping in the plus sizes leaves you fewer options and you have to look longer and be dependent on fewer stores – is a cute simple knit dress that’s classy and on trend.

Exhibit A of what I don’t want is in the photo.

Now, this doesn’t look so bad in the photo, I know. But what you can’t see is that this is made of their default knit in their default colors. It could be cute in a slightly finer knit and in on-trend colors. But they’re using the exact same colors they’ve used for all their knits for about the last twelve years. The same “Berry”(do a purple or do a pink, but pick one!) and “True Red” (which could be deeper and richer or even, god forbid, a burgundy) and “Blue Velvet” (VELVET? blue viscose for all the depth it has) and Black (there are other neutrals! Give me a dove gray or a true chocolate brown). It’s lazy and I won’t put up with it. So this dress was the right length, and the cut wasn’t bad. It’s even on sale (hmm, maybe because no one jumped on it? Wonder why). But I won’t buy it. I’ll check on what they have at Avenue, Macy’s, or Old Navy.

Attack of the Girls

Odds were good that I wouldn’t appreciate any woman that George Clooney dates publicly. At least in his public persona, he’s pretty much the perfect man (the looks, the voice, the talent, the suave, the humor, the politics) and almost no woman would be good enough. Plus there’s the precedent of what I like the say about another member of my list, that Jon Stewart’s only fault is he didn’t wait for me.

But of all the women in the world Clooney could get serious enough about to bring to a public event like the Oscars (which he’s never done before,) does it have to be this little girl?!? Someone over at TwoP said they were worried about the awards show going over time because Sarah Larson had homework to finish.

Sarah may be a perfectly nice girl, and I’m trying not to slam her personally. Just because she’s been on Fear Factor and met Clooney when she was a cocktail waitress at the Palms doesn’t automatically mean she has no substance but, the few words I've heard her say didn’t show me anything of substance and move us past the cliché. (I mean, really, he’s dating a cocktail waitress?!?) And she’s the latest example of a depressing trend. It makes me sad when men who seem to really have a brain go for girls instead of women. (See also: John Mayer and Jessica Simpson). Is this really what men of substance find sexy?

Can’t George please take a hint from Matt Damon who married a real woman, or better yet from Brad Pitt, who has actually gained gravitas and a focus on the world outside entertainment by being with Angelina Jolie? I was always Team Angie over Team Jennifer because even when she was an ingénue, Jolie was a woman. Can you imagine her with a vacuous, vacant giggle? No, you cannot.

I’m not sure how to explain that this is part of the same irritating trend, but it feels the same to me. Some of the mis-casting of supposedly sexy and strong young women with gamine girls. The first two examples that come to mind (examples that, granted, don’t say much for my viewing tastes) First, Deanna Russo as an academic and scientist in the new Knight Rider. I work with academics, and while they’re a more varied group than most people know, she is not it. I absolutely do not believe she could understand a bit of the nano-science she was pseudo-babbling. Just because its pseudo doesn’t mean you don’t have to sell it. Second, Anna van Hooft as Princess Aura on the new Flash Gordon. In a part that in its many incarnations has always been about an intense sensuality and steamy sexuality, van Hooft just seems coltish and awkward. And maybe that’s it. I do not find coltish to be sexy; it looks unfinished, girly and childish. Third example, which I don’t lead with because it’s been said by so many for years, is Calista Flockhart. Ally McBeal was such a silly fantasy that I never got too worked up about this, but in Brothers & Sisters the idea of her as a political operative is literally laughable. And when she’s matched against the womanliness of Rachel Griffiths you want to shake your head. Griffiths is less steaming sexuality in B&S than she was in Six Feet Under and I think that’s partly because Calista would never be able to keep up!

So, Mr. Clooney. I understand why you guard your romantic life so zealously, and I think it’s wonderful that you’re finally willing to share a tiny slice more of your life with the world. But throw this one back, she’s not fully formed. Go find a woman. Plenty of them will go out with you. Trust me. I can think of at least one right off the top of my head.

Eat, Pray Love

I didn't expect to like this book. I knew it was a travel memoir, and the author had been on Oprah. When something becomes as successful as this book has been (how many weeks on the best seller lists?!?!) I get a little snobby and decide anything so mainstream is probably too least common denominator for me.

What I didn't expect when I started reading it for my bookclub is how honest Elizabeth Gilbert is about where she was emotional and spiritually at the start of her travels. I almost said "at the start of her journey" but Andy always insists that the books we read for bookclub are "a woman's journey of self-discovery." He's right this time, but it's better than the cliche, so I'd like to resist using it.

It helps that Elizabeth Gilbert's approach to spirituality is a lot like mine, believing that we can take the pieces of different traditions that speak to us. I was talking to a co-worker about the book yesterday who said she thinks it's a book about transitions and how they're a process instead of like flipping a switch. I like that take better than Andy's.

My 50 Books Project

Since this is likely to be the only year for a while when I can do this (the plan for law school is on, but not to start for another year) I'm trying the 50 books in a year challenge!

I'm pretty sure I usually read more than 50 books a year, but I've never counted. And I'm not going to count books I'm re-reading, and may not count random trashy romance novels that I pick up and read in an evening or two. I'm not a snob about books; I believe those technically could count, but I want to do this to make myself feel well-read again and Nora Roberts isn't really going to fit the bill there.

January started off pretty strong. I read the four books listed to the left. I was a bit disappointed in 1776. I didn't realize it was, per the Powell's website, a "companion" piece to McCullough's John Adams biography. Which left it free to be an almost entirely military history. I kept waiting for more on the Continental Congress, but apparently that's all in the Adams bio. Well, with 46 to go, I may have to pick that one up in the next few months! I did learn a lot about the siege of Boston. Like, for example, that there WAS a siege of Boston. I thought I had a pretty good U.S. history education, but I'm pretty sure we didn't cover that at my high school.

Of course, I grew up in Virginia and my knowledge of the colonial era and the revolution are kind of focused on the history of Virginia. My family did a summer vacation one year where we visited the homes of all the presidents born in Virginia (except one, at the time it wasn't open to the public - I think the birthplace of Zachary Taylor). I don't remember it, but apparently the trip was my idea. I guess I'm just a born geek. Of course, it was also part of family tradition. When my Aunt Pat had to write a paper on Yorktown when she was in high school, my grandparents packed up the car for the weekend and drove down to Yorktown so she could see the site in person.

C is for Cookie!

Our bookclub’s annual cookie exchange is Saturday and until tonight I had given exactly zero thought to my cookie recipe. You may think I could just go with whatever I made last year but au contraire, I cannot. Two reasons, the first of which is one of general principle. I have never repeated a cookie in the seven or eight years of this cookie exchange. Even in the years when my fellow bookclubbers were popping out the kiddies (an activity inversely proportionate to the time available to bake Christmas cookies, reason #473 to stay childfree) and occasionally brought store-bought cookies, I came with a new recipe ever year. I figure if I can’t entertain my married-with-kids friends with any kind of exciting singles social life, I can at least rub in how much free time I have for baking.

The second reason is a more practical one. I have no idea what I made last year. Except for the almond lace cookies two years ago and the coffee/chocolate cookies from the first year of the exchange, I don’t really know what I made any year. I like the variety. I usually pick one or two kinds of cookies each year and make them multiple times – for the exchange, for my co-workers and (if it’s a really great recipe) for the family once I get to my mom’s. And then I am done with them. Perhaps I am a cookie whore (see above re: substituting baking for a dating life).

I think I’ve found my two cookies for the year. And yes, there usually need to be two kinds, my bookclub includes a woman who has given up all forms of caffeine (which is sick and wrong, but I still love her) and another allergic to coconut. This seriously cuts down on my options, but if I make at least one non-chocolate or non-coconut cookie, I can just gift each woman with a double set of the one cookie she can eat. This year’s chocolate option (assuming I can find cocoa nibs by Friday night) is Clotilde's Very Chocolate Cookies, found on the website of the excellent David Lebovitz, but originally from Chocolate and Zucchini by Clotilde Dusoulier. After reading David’s blog, I want to add a whole bunch of cookbooks to my Amazon wishlist (this is nearly as senseless as giving up chocolate – I cook as little as possible and I only bake recreationally).

Number two, which could perform alone if I can’t get my hands on those nibs(dirty!), is off my go-to baking site, Martha Stewart online. I love her for baking, though I find some of the entrees I’ve tried there in the past kind of bland. So I’m trying the Lime Meltaways and hoping I don’t end up with a dough that’s too dry, since this seemed to happen to a few folks in the comments section. Cross your fingers. I’ll post pics once I’m done with the baking on Saturday.

Why WGA Writers Are On Strike

"

This seems like a pretty clear explanation to me (you'd almost think these guys are professionals). And it's REASONABLE, people.

ps. I've thought of one more thing I can do. Until writers get more for DVD sales, no more buying DVDs. Since the holiday season is coming up soon, maybe that's one way to hit the corporations in the one place it'll hurt.


eta: Other folks are talking about boycotting DVD’s and internet streams of tv and movies. As was pointed out in an interview by my favorite comedy writer Pam Ribon, we need to make sure that any effort like this needs to include telling the networks (and I’d guess the press and WGA since the networks aren’t going to share that info) why we’re doing it. Otherwise they could just use any dip to support their ridonkulous* argument that the streams are too new to have profits they can share.

*I first learned this word when a WGA writer put it in an episode of How I Met Your Mother. Credit where credit is due, ya know?

I love TV. I probably watch way too much of it, but those folks who say (in a tone I always hear as snotty whether they intend it or not) “we don’t have a television” or even just “we don’t have cable” have a high bar to get over if they’re ever going to be my friends. TV is the dominant creative artistic medium of our time (even if some of that dominance has diminished in the last few years). At its best it can fun and informative. At its worst, I change the channel or turn it off. TV is not perfect, but it can be inspiring (The West Wing), soothing (Dancing with the Stars), exhilarating (The Amazing Race), gut-achingly funny (30 Rock), even intellectually challenging (Battlestar Galactica). The writers of most of this brilliant entertainment are set to go on strike at midnight tonight.

Most of the coverage I see of the potential strike has a “what it means for viewers” angle, which I guess makes sense given that most of us are viewers and not creators. But it really misses the point. I’m probably going to be inconvenienced by this strike. My favorite shows will go away for a while (some of the newer ones may never come back). I’ll NetFlix, and I’ll read, and I’ll spend more time online.

What I will try not to do is just mindlessly consume whatever crap the networks put on in place of my shows. Because I value what the writers do. All of it (okay 99.9%) comes out of their amazing creative and hardworking brains. These are thinking people, and I like to believe I have some kinship with that. I like to think I’m more like the writers than the studio execs who spend their days thinking about financing and marketing and such (there’s a reason I’d never get a business degree).

As thinking, creative people it was ironically the Writers Guild of America (WGA), not the bean-counters, who realized back in the 1980’s that the VCR was going to change how people watched TV and movies. So they got residuals for videotape sales added to their contracts. The amount was miniscule, but it was a start. As DVD sales have sky-rocketed and begun to count for a larger piece of the profits they’re asking for more. And they’re asking to add residuals for internet airings of their shows and movies. The principle behind that is the same as in the 80’s; here’s a new medium that is changing how we consume their product and they should share in the profits of it. The studios say they can’t figure out how to count those profits. Seems like it’s pretty easy to say “we just sold that episode for $1.99 on iTunes, here’s how much of that is profit and here’s your share.” It’s not that they can’t, it’s that they don’t want to. The network heads are under pressure by their own corporate bosses (GE, etc.) to raise their profits. I get that. I just don’t think that’s the writers’ problem.

That principle I mentioned actually goes back way before the 80’s, to the days of radio. Unless the studios want to walk away from residuals altogether (which I’m sure they’d love to do) it’s unconscionable to try and leave the internet out of it.

So as a viewer I will do what I can to show that I’m not on the studios’ side here. It isn’t much and it’ll go against the grain. I’ll watch my shows until they run out of union-generated scripts. I will try to keep track online of when those run out, and I’ll stop watching if they bring in scabs. I won’t go so far as saying I won’t watch reality TV, which is what they’ll fill the schedule with (the WGA has GOT to get those “editors” in the union one of these days to strengthen their position) but I won’t watch reality crap (either pre-existing crap that we all know is just on because it’s cheap to produce, or new crap they start filming now to fill time slots). As I said, it’s not much and maybe I should say I’ll just turn off my TV. But I’m trying to be honest; I know I won’t do that.

This matters to me for lots of reasons. One I wouldn’t have been able to predict a few years ago is all about the influence of the internet on TV. Several years ago, I was surfing around, looking for websites about a show I had just fallen in love with but that none of my friends were watching – The Amazing Race. What I found was Television Without Pity (now a part of that crazy GE corporate family, but still fabulous). Turns out that several of the funny creative people who were writing about TV on that site are now funny, creative people writing for TV (Pamie, DJB, Stee, AB Chao, just to start with). These folks don’t know me, but I feel like I know them, at least a little. I want this strike to work out for American labor, and for principle, but also for these good people. I believe in this strike because I believe in them. I want them to be able to make their rent, and car payments, and mortgage payments even when they might be between gigs. And the way that happens is if they get a tiny piece of the money that studios continue to make years later from their work. I wish them luck. And I hope there’s a deal coming quickly, for their sakes more than for mine.

What Kind of Intelligence Do I Have? (assuming I have any after this week)

Your Dominant Intelligence is Linguistic Intelligence

You are excellent with words and language. You explain yourself well. An elegant speaker, you can converse well with anyone on the fly. You are also good at remembering information and convicing someone of your point of view. A master of creative phrasing and unique words, you enjoy expanding your vocabulary. You would make a fantastic poet, journalist, writer, teacher, lawyer, politician, or translator.

What Kind of Intelligence Do You Have?

Music Nirvana (well, actually, no Nirvana this time)

At left: It all starts with this guy.

Some days my ipod just loves me. I turned on my shuffle song function this morning at the bus stop and by the time I got to work I didn’t want to take off my earphones – I was on a musical role. This play list might not excite everyone, but for me it’s just about perfect.

Have I Told You Lately That I Love You – Van Morrison
Gone Daddy Gone – Gnarls Barkley
The Big Sky – Kate Bush
Yes, Yes, Y’All – Sergio Mendes
Border Song – Elton John
God – Tori Amos
Until the End of the World – U2
Ladies Choice – Hairspray soundtrack
Jackie Wilson Said – Van Morrison
Colorful – Rocca Deluca and the Burden
One Week – Barenaked Ladies
Scenes from an Italian Restaurant – Billy Joel
Politik – Coldplay

I have no idea how to find copies of these songs to link to, plus I'm afraid of the record industry. But I highly recommend them all!

At left: Well he is a snazzy dresser, but I'd have expected a better haircut.

So, gay Dumbledore.

(note: there’s at least one serious Book 7 spoiler below – do I still have to warn about that several months on?)

On the one hand, I’m glad to hear it. I think Jo Rowling has written the books from a moral viewpoint which is pretty similar to mine, so I’m not particularly surprised. And I do remember thinking while reading Book 7 that some slashers were really gonna go to town with Dumbledore/Grindelwald.

I do wish Jo could have made it just a little more apparent in the books. I see that it wasn’t a central point and plenty of details of how she envisioned the world of Harry Potter didn’t get included in the books. Also, given that most of all the books were from Harry’s pov, it might not have been too easy to fit in information about Dumbledore’s sexuality.

But we do know a bit about Lupin’s romantic life with Tonks, and Bill with Fleur, (or for an example that didn’t end in marriage, the torch that Snape carried for Lily) so it’s not impossible to include glimpses into moments of these straight relationships among the adults. And all the stuff about the kids starting to date was a missed opportunity. I would have loved for one of Harry’s Griffindor roommates to be gay and have that not be a big deal – Seamus or Dean, I think, since there was already so much going on with Ron and Neville. Neville in particular could have ended up very cliché, and would have defeated the purpose; all of his fumbling would have been re-envisioned as fey or something I expect.

Declaring that Dumbledore is gay is a small step in the right direction, I guess. Making a beloved authority figure gay can only be good, especially a beloved educator who clearly cared a great deal for his students. That might be the most important effect, in my opinion, and might really help cut off at the knees for a generation of kids the myth that all gay men are a threat to molest young boys.

I just wish it could really qualify as cannon. Is it still slash fanfic if it comes from the original author?

Now I'm off to see if I can find some slashy quotes from the last book. :)

Cindy got a Pig! Cindy got a Pig!

My friend Cindy has been obsessed with Seattle's Pigs on Parade since they had the first set in 2001.

In honor of the Pike Place Market's Centennial, they made another series of Pigs on Parade as a fundraiser this year.

Last time, Cindy didn't buy a pig (she tried taking part in the eBay portion of the auction, but got outbid). So last night we went to the live auction (loads of fun, but I didn't expect a cash bar so we didn't get nearly as liquored-up as I would have liked). Cindy won the first pig in the auction!

The pig above has already been renamed "Pigmen Miranda" and will live in the breezeway that leads to her backyard!

Yay, Cindy!

A fun book-themed meme from 50 Books.

Memes are a step up from quizzes, right? I know I had to do more work to finish. One of these days I'll be doing real posts on a regular basis. This is like training wheels. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

1.Hardcover or paperback, and why?
Paperback, so I can carry them around. Plus with hardbacks I always worry about what to do with the dustjacket and if I should re-sell it because I spent so much money on it. If you wait too long to sell a hardback and the paperback is out, the resell is for shit. Probably 95% of the hardbacks I own are parts of a series because I got too impatient to wait for the paperback.

2. If I were to own a book shop I would call it…
Lots of Plots? Ehh, I don’t know. Lane’s Books? My Inevitable Bankruptcy?

3. My favorite quote from a book (mention the title) is…
Oh, this is tough. Usually if I quote it’s from poetry or a movie (I don’t have the memory to quote from novels). Maybe this, from Dorothy Sayer’s Gaudy Night.
“She went to bed thinking more about another person than about herself. This goes to prove that even minor poetry may have its practical uses.”

Or maybe the first line of May Sarton’s Journal of a Solitude “Begin here. It is raining.” It's immediate and does exactly what she intends for the whole book.

4. The author (alive or deceased) I would love to have lunch with would be…
Neal Stephenson. I love both his scifi and history of science novels, but I wouldn’t be so intimidated that we couldn’t have a good time.

(note: the original meme wrote (mis-wrote?) the options as “alive or diseased.” bwah)

5. If I was going to a deserted island and could only bring one book, except from the SAS survival guide, it would be…
The Norton Anthology of Modern Poetry. Lots of different pieces and styles to enjoy, plus little bios of the poets.

6. I would love someone to invent a bookish gadget that…
Temporarily takes away just enough memory so I could experience each of my favorite books like it’s the first reading.

7. The smell of an old book reminds me of…
My grandma’s house, especially the shelf in her living room that held a set of 1950’s era World Book Encyclopedias that I read to learn all about Greek mythology.
Or, you know, dust that makes me sneeze.

8. If I could be the lead character in a book (mention the title), it would be…
Now that I’m thinking about Gaudy Night, I’d have to say Harriet Vane.


9. The most overestimated book of all times is…
Hmmm, maybe Finnegan’s Wake? I like James Joyce’s other novels and I don’t mind working hard to understand a great piece of literature (I once took a class on Ulysses where we covered one chapter a week, and it was really fun!) But the Wake is so dense it’s really like mental masturbation.

Look, there are worse books, clearly. But the Wake is like the emperor's clothes. Everyone's afraid to admit that it fails because they assume the fault is their inability to understand, not the fault of the book.

10. I hate it when a book…
Tries to change or be too much at the end. With this same meme, Jag Soker Job sites Middlesex for this (an otherwise almost flawless book). I think the problem goes back at least as far as Robinson Crusoe. I never knew until I actually read the thing that he leaves the island about ¾ of the way through. Nobody ever mentions it because that part of the book is stupid.

Another Blogthings Quiz

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict. One moment you're in your own little happy universe... And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!

What Drug Is Your Personality Like?

Well, that last bit is cheerful, huh?

But if you lose, the devil gets your clothes

Growing up on the edge of Appalachia, I had a knee-jerk anti-country music bias. I thought of it as mostly music for ignorant hillbilly types, and since I continually felt the need to prove that wasn't me I basically rejected anything that smacked of country.

There were a few exceptions (and the list has grown over the years), like I adored the Coal Miner's Daughter movie. It always made my meemaw cry. And there was Devil Went Down to Georgia. It's a ridiculous song, as is hilariously pointed out in this article from McSweeney's. But by the end of the song, I can't help singing along with "I done told you once, you son of a bitch, I'm the best that's ever been." And when it gets the radio edit ("son of a gun") I always get irate.

But check out that picture. Yeah, I can see why I didn't want to be associated with that kind of fashion.

I haven’t brought this up, but since no one is actually reading this thing yet no one from work will know before I want to tell them (I hope).

I’ve been studying for the LSAT and thinking about going back to school (again!). I don’t really want to be a full-time student again; I’m actually quite bad at that because I get lazy and waste much too much time. I often react to stress by avoiding action until it’s almost unavoidable or until it’s scarier or more painful to do nothing, a bad habit that grad school just exacerbated. It has taken years to get past it and I don’t want to move backward on that. Plus, how would I make any headway cleaning up my credit/getting out of debt if I quit my job?

Luckily there’s a really good law school here in Seattle that does a part-time/evening program (not Big U, which only does a fulltime program – boo!). I’ve been talking to several good friends about becoming a lawyer, and just recently sat down with a lawyer and retired judge who I know through work. Once we got through the official work-related reasons for the meeting, I asked him some questions about law school, particularly about this part-time program and if he thinks I’m too old to start this. He was so supportive! He even told me that the current head of the Seattle Bar Association didn’t start law school until she was older than I am now. Lovely to hear when the guide to law school books say things like "average age of entering student to law school X is 24."

Anyway, so I’m sitting here tonight (on a Friday night) studying for the LSAT. Okay with occasional breaks for Sci-Fi Friday and my new resolution to blog more frequently. These logic puzzles are a bitch! I’m wait-listed to take the LSAT at the end of the month and frankly I almost hope I have to wait ‘til December for a seat so I can get better at these little monsters!

ps. the above cartoon was found on the very funny blog The L Word: Law School and Life

You Are a Lemon Cake

Strong, sexy, and overpowering. You know who you are, and you're not afraid to show the world your fabulous self. You're confident, charming, and extremely popular.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

Hmm, I'm not sure this is right -- I took the quiz and there are several ways I could have answered differently. I may actually be chocolate cake. Oh well, all cake is good. And quizzes are always fun.

My friend Greg used to work for a company in SF that made online quizzes. My favorite that he did is "What kind of Dog are you?" I was a Bernese Mountain Dog which at the time I thought was not so flattering but I think it actually helped land me a job. I had a job interview soon after taking the quiz -- it turns out my potential boss was a big dog person and loves BMDs, so when I joked about it to her she figured I was the type to work hard and loyally. :)

Also, apparently it's a cake-themed day, because my iPod randomly chose Cake's Hem of Your Garment when I got on the bus this morning.

New (Old) Must See TV

I'm slow on this news, but it appears I will have to put Desperate Housewives back on my fall tv watch list. The luscious Nathan Fillion will be moving to Wisteria Lane this season. Apparently, since that space cowboy career didn't quite work out, Nathan is now portraying sexy gynecologists exclusively (as he did in the excellent Waitress). As a woman, I am wholeheartedly behind the fantasy of the sexy OBGYN but I'm kind of surprised that DH creator Marc Cherry can figure out women quite that thoroughly.

I refuse to watch the end of last season to catch -- I'll just grab the recaps at Television Without Pity. Last year I stopped watching at about the time Carlos got Gabby pregnant against her wishes. Not funny my friends. Plus Terri Hatcher is seriously too fake-tanned and botoxed.

Also, isn't Dana Delany too old to play Nathan's wife? Not that I'm anti-cougar or anything but it just seems a little off. I guess we'll see.

Well, the vacation was wonderful but now a distant memory. Maybe shorter entries means I'll get them done?

In any case, one highlight of the first part of vacation was some of the most unusual (and best!) ice cream I've ever had. Chocolate and lavendar flavored ice cream at Elevated Ice Cream in Port Townsend, Washington. I'm trying to figure out when I can go back with an ice-filled cooler (They have quarts for take-out and there are lots of other great flavors to try. I'm thinking the cardamom for next time).

It's like Wallace Stevens said "The only emperor is the emperor of ice-cream." I have no idea what that means, but I love it! :)

Vacation!

Well, at least vacation from work. Back in early May, I got an email from HR pointing out that I have over 200 hours of unused vacation time! This was the occasion for some serious mocking by my boss and our office assistant, both of whom regularly use up every single hour of their leave. In my defense, Big University lets you carry over from one year to the next ad infinitum and as you work there longer you accumulate time faster. I’m currently earning 14 hours a month. Since my boss was getting ready to leave her job and I’d be taking on her role interim (with all the extra work that implies), she suggested I put in for some summer time vaca while she was still around to approve it. So I did a random day off in June and a long 5-day weekend. I saw a Mariners game and spent time with friends and their rugrats, so all-in-all pretty successful. Though the game itself sucked.

Now comes the biggy. I put in for two weeks in July. Now, the fact that I don’t do more vacation isn’t because I’m some kind of masochist. Granted, I do wonder whether certain projects will take a single step forward while I’m gone, but honestly the biggest reason is money. If I’m not at the office, I’m going to want to shop or eat at restaurants or go to the movies. All of these are fine and fun pursuits (in fact, I love them all) but they cost. Years of doing too much of all three, plus living on credit cards during grad school, have put me in a lot of debt. I’m trying to dig out, but I seem to do a two-steps forward, one-step back with my finances.

So I took these two weeks, but was kind of in denial about what I’d do with them. After weeks of asking about my plans and hearing nothing, my mother finally insisted that I should come visit for at least part of the time. So I’m leaving for the East Coast on Wednesday and back in a week. I had planned to take a couple of days before or after and rent a vacation cabin on the water and just sit and read. That hasn’t worked out too well. Most of the places I’d like to rent are minimum one-week stays in the summer (even those that say two-night minimum on their websites, grrr!) and I’ve just lost interest in finding one at this point.

The good news is, before and after the East Cost trip I’ll likely be putting in extra time here on the blog, getting back in the habit (wait, was I ever IN the habit?) of more regular posting. I’ve already eaten out twice and gone to see Harry Potter: Order of the Phoenix. At which I bought both buttered popcorm and junior mints – who says I can’t break out and get wild?

Order of the Phoenix or Why I Should Never Read the Book Before Seeing the Movie

I don’t know why I continue to see every Harry Potter movie. I adore the books and I really believe they’ll last as classics of (childrens or popular, take your pick) literature. But every movie version leaves me wondering if the director and screenwriter have ever actually read the books or just a synopsis of plot points. All of the whimsical tone and asides of the books, the wryness, are gone. I love how matter-of-fact the books are about the magic, even as Harry is first introduced to and awed by it.

At first, I blamed the heavy, hack hand of Chris Columbus. His over use of longshots with epic music designed to remind us that this is FAAANNTASY are 180 degrees from how the books approach withcraft and wizardry. And then he left the series and some of the things I hated most, surprisingly remained. Ok, if I had to pick one I could live with, it’s Cuaron’s Prisoner of Azkhabhan. It’s not my PoA, but at least it’s someone’s (Cuaron is the one director of the series I’m sure really read the books and gave a lot of deep thought and respect to translating what he was getting out of it to the screen). I didn’t really love his film, most especially because I just can’t get behind Gary Oldman as Sirius (not an Oldman fan, here).

I know that these latest two, Goblet of Fire and Order of the Phoenix, are a real challenge to cut down to feature-movie length. But the things they lose in the process are what build the world of Harry Potter for me. I particularly miss their school experiences and adolescence. Sure Harry’s angsty adolescence is being explored, but what about Ron and Hermione? Good lord, there’s hardly anything left of them. Half the time they’re just standing around for expositions and transitions. Honestly, if I were Emma Watson I would have been tempted to chuck the series for college, too!

If anyone seems to understand this series less than the directors, it’s movie reviewers. Before I started writing this, I went over to Rotten Tomatoes to see what kind of reviews OotP is getting. Roger Ebert’s review just about made me lose my mind. He gets that it’s not a very good film, but that’s where the sanity ends. Forgive me, but I’m going to have to quote about a third of the review here.

“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix still has much of the enchantment of the earlier films, but Harry no longer has as much joy. His face is lacking the gosh-wow-this-is-really-neat grin. He has internalized the secrets and delights of the world of wizards, and is now instinctively using them to save his life.”

Can you imagine how unbearable it would be (not to mention boring and lacking in character growth) if Harry were still as astonished five years later by the existence of magic?

“There will come a time, I fear, as we approach the end of the series (one book and two films to go), that Harry and his friends will grow up and smell the coffee. They weren't trained as magicians for fun. When they eventually arrive at some apocalyptic crossroads, as I fear they will, can the series continue to live in PG-13 land? The archvillain Voldemort is shaping up as the star of nightmares.”

Clearly, Ebert’s read even less of the books than David Yates did. “Shaping up as the star of nightmares?” Welcome to the party Rog. He’s the embodiment of evil. Jo isn’t pulling punches on that just because these are kid stories. She proudly joins the tradition of writers like Roald Dahl who respect that kids know the world can be tough and scary. Also, the part about smelling the coffee and why they’ve been trained makes me wonder if he stepped away from the balcony for popcorn when Dumbledore’s Army was created? This is explicitly what is happening in that part of the story. I know it gets rushed like everything else in these films, but if that point is lost I’m not sure OotP has a raison d’etre as a film.

"For Harry, like many another leader before him, it is time to leave the nest and begin to work in the world. For the first time since we saw platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross, the city of London has a major role now, as Harry and sidekicks fly down the Thames and swoop past Big Ben.
That causes me to wonder, what is the practical connection between the world of magic and the world of Muggles? Will Harry, or should Harry, become a world leader? Can wands and spells be of use in today's geopolitical turmoil? Or are Hogwarts grads living in a dimension of their own? All will be told, I guess, in the final book in J.K. Rowling's series, and then the retail book industry will be back on its own again."

Okay, a big part of the above is just big old silliness and not germane to a movie review. The HP series clearly has moments of commentary within it on the struggles and nature of modern culture. To twist it this way just reinforces Ebert’s foolish nostalgia for the very bad Columbus films. eta: A much better example can be found in the Harry Potter Alliance, a group encouraging young readers to take the moral lessons they've learned from HP and use it on causes like Darfur.

And “all will be told in the final book” is a complete non sequitor (putting it at this point in the review implies that Rowling’s going to clear up some apparent confusion about how wizards co-exist with a world like ours. Huh? Large portions of the beginning and ending of each book – and sometimes the middle – deal with this all the time.) Is this just Ebert trying to find someplace to mention the final book?

“My hope, as we plow onward through "Potters" Nos. 6-7, is that the series will not grow darker still. Yet I suppose even at the beginning, with those cute little mail-owls, we knew the whimsy was too good to last.”

First, as I’ve mentioned above more than once, the early whimsy sucked. But more importantly, 6 and 7 will and should get darker. It’s only the story of growing up and learning that world’s a complicated and often dangerous place! Someone recently pointed out to me that the villains of each book (not the over-arching Voldemort but the baddies of each year) get more realistic, more adult as the series progresses. The first ones were cartoony – Quirrell and a disembodied Dark Lord living in his turban don’t have anything on Dolores Umbridge, a thoroughly adult, political threat that the teachers genuinely can’t shelter the students from. Again, welcome to the party, that’s the point of the book series as I see it.

But the point of the movies remains a mystery. Unless it’s Daniel Radcliffe’s very pale but well-defined pecs. Talk about disturbing -- I'm much too old to be noticing those. But what's a girl supposed to do when he wears those tight t-shirts?